1. snorlaxatives:

    *sits down next to you and sympathetically looks into your eyes* i don’t care

  2. starlightlady:

    there is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face

  3. 710642:


well? can he????

    710642:

    well? can he????

    • me yesterday night : lol who needs sleep
    • me today: i do. i need sleep.
    • me tonight: lol who needs sleep
  4. landorus:

    cashier: that’ll be $4.20

    me: bruh

    cashier: bruh

  5. -annoying:

    i want flawless eyebrows and $100,000

  6. drkarayua:

piertotum-locomottor:

deepthoughtmod:

This guy was the leader of the improv comedy group I was in

who the fuck carries fake blood everywhere

leaders of improv comedy groups obviosuly

    drkarayua:

    piertotum-locomottor:

    deepthoughtmod:

    This guy was the leader of the improv comedy group I was in

    who the fuck carries fake blood everywhere

    leaders of improv comedy groups obviosuly

    • waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
    • waitress: sir please stop cyring
  7. Evan Peters in American Horror Story

  8. amortizing:

    2014 is half over and

    • -i lost no weight
    • -didn’t learn anything
    • -haven’t made an effort to save money
    • -still ugly